Keeping Your Anger Under Control

In my work with individuals and couples, I see many people who have a difficult time expressing and managing angry feelings. Let's take a look at what causes people to become angry and how they can respond to stressful situations more productively.

What Is Anger?

Many people think that anger is caused by hormonal changes or brain activity. This is only partly true. Researchers have found that while hormones play a role in an angry response, there is always a cognitive (thinking) component.

Some people think that humans are innately aggressive or warlike. While our behavior is sometimes hostile toward others, anger is not part of our basic nature.

Frustration may lead to aggression, but it is not inevitable. Some people respond to frustrating events with anger, while others don't. Anger is only one response to frustration. In many cultures, people are taught to respond to frustration in other ways.

Since Freud's day, psychologists have disagreed about the value of venting feelings. It may surprise you to know that today's research shows that expressing anger often results in more irritation and tension rather than feeling more calm.

Why Expressing Anger Can Be Bad for You

Giving vent to anger can produce the following kinds of harmful effects:

• Your blood pressure increases.

• The original problem is worse rather than better.

• You come across as unfriendly and intimidating.

• The other person becomes angry with you as a result of your behavior.

Physical Effects of Anger

Heart. Researchers at Stanford University have found that of all the personality traits found in Type A patients, the potential for hostility is the key predictor for coronary disease. The combination of anger and hostility is the most deadly.

Stomach and intestines. Anger has a very negative effect on the stomach and has even been associated with the development of ulcerative colitis.

Nervous system. Anger is bad for you because it exaggerates the associated hormonal changes. Chronic suppressed anger is damaging because it activates the sympathetic nervous system responses without providing any release of the tension. It is a bit like stepping down on a car's accelerator while slamming on the brakes.

Why We Get into the Anger Habit

Anger is our response to stress. Many times we feel anger to avoid feeling some other emotion, such as anxiety or hurt. Or we may feel angry when we are frustrated because we want something and can't have it. Sometimes, feeling angry is a way of mobilizing ourselves in the face of a threat.

Anger may be useful because it stops (blocks) stress. Here are two examples:

1. You are rushing all day in your home office to meet an impossible deadline. Your daughter bounces in after school and gives you a big hug as you furiously type on your computer. You snap, "Not now! Can't you see I'm busy?"

2. You have just finished taking an important exam. You have studied for weeks and the result is very important to your career. You fantasize all the way home about dinner at your favorite Italian restaurant. When you get home, your husband has prepared a steak dinner for you. You yell, "Why don't you ask me before you just assume you know what I want?"

This explains why people often respond with anger when they experience the following kinds of stress:

• Anxiety

• Being in a hurry

• Being overstimulated

• Being overworked

• Depression

• Fatigue

• Fear

• Feeling abandoned or attacked

• Feeling forced to do something you don't want to do

• Feeling out of control

• Guilt, shame, or hurt

• Loss

• Physical pain

What to Do Instead of Getting Angry

Here are some constructive things can you do to reduce stress-instead of becoming angry:

• Beat a pillow with a tennis racket.

• Cry.

• Do relaxation exercises.

• Get physical exercise.

• Listen to your favorite music.

• Make a joke.

• Play games.

• Say it out loud.

• State your needs assertively.

• Take a nap.

• Tell a friend about it.

• Work.

• Write about it.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

What is Coaching?
Recently, I have received several emails asking me about coaching and what it is exactly. So, I decided to answer some of those questions in this article.
Integrating Life and Work
Organizations are finally creating cultures that support a work and life balance for their employees. After years of demanding high productivity and increasing on the job hours and expectations and not achieving the hoped-for better results, companies are finally embracing polices and procedures that support employees in integrating their life and work experience.
Do You Trust Your Mentor(s)?
It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." - Samuel JohnsonI was on a tele-seminar recently with International Health Coach Jeremy Likness and he asked a very interesting question about Trust.
Becoming An Empowered Consumer
How many times have you said to yourself?"I just wish that company would treat me like they appreciated my business!"?For many years I trained Customer Service Reps at a large corporation. There is no doubt that it was during those years I personally became a consumer with rather high standards and expectations.
Leading Grief Groups: The Preliminaries
Preparation: If you desire advertising the group, announcements need to go to the media at least six weeks prior to the beginning of the group. Most effective is either an article or listing under Grief/support groups in the local newspaper.
Business Career, Executive, Life Coaching Article Mechanisms of the Mind (Achieving Success)
Suppose that the human mind is nothing more than a bio-computer and that the function of this computer is to get its owner exactly what he says he wants..
Mind the Gap
The underground train in London can get you anywhere when you know how to maneuver all the options. Like our subways, London under ground is a busy place.
Theres Gold in that Silence
Can you recall a time where you utilized silence to make a point? If you can consciously recall, you probably know your silence made more than just a point; it made an exclamation point ..
Success at Work : People Skills : Complaining
Do you know an individual at work who is a chronic complainer? Are YOU a chronic complainer? People don't like complainers. Listening to a chronic complainer gets people depressed.
Crisis: Danger or Opportunity?
I have often heard motivational speakers say that the word crisis in Chinese means both danger and opportunity. In investigating the facts, I have found running arguments on the web as to whether or not this is true.
Why Don't You Just Stuff It ALL?
You got busy at work, got busy in your marriage, got busy with your home and maybe your kids and before you knew it..
Why?
I met Sean a year and a half ago in a crowd of 50,000 people. We struck up a conversation and really hit it off.
Guilt By Association & Wealth By It Too!
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art." - Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.
New Definition of Retirement
A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's focused on continual exploration, learning and growth.
The Power of Visualization
Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power of visualization technique on a regular basis. Why? Results of a 20-year study of the effects of visualization on results revealed an amazing discovery.
How Empathy Can Reduce Your Anger
Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his eight-year-old son how to fly a radio-controlled airplane. As the airplane was taking off, Jim instructed his son to push the control stick on the radio to the right.
More Money & Less Stress?
At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one of my clients. Before I could barely utter my "hello," she launched headlong into her story - "I am so frustrated! I have this client who has been dragging her feet at every stage of our project.
Top Ten Reasons to Hire a Personal Coach
Have you considered hiring a personal coach? Jack Canfield, in The Success Principles says hiring a "personal coach is one of the best-kept secrets of the successful."1.
Do You Mind If Someone Screams At You?
A headhunter was on the other end of the phone. He was looking for an assistant to a CEO/Owner for a small, but very successful business.
Great Advice
It never ceases to amaze me that every time I give a speech, do a seminar, or talk with people one-on-one, I get inundated with questions seeking the almighty answers to all that ails them. However, when I press them to come up with an answer to their own situation, they usually respond by offering their own solution right back to me.